It’s not easy to say no when the rest of our family has a different opinion and many anguished moments result

When Gay “Marriage” Affects Your Family

by Terry McDermott

On June 26, 2013, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down in a five- to- four decision by the United States Supreme Court. Gay activists south of the border were overjoyed. Here in Canada, it was just another marriage equality day since our Supreme Court redefined marriage with the passing of the Civil Marriage Act on July 20, 2005. Major cities have just hosted or will soon be hosting the spectacle otherwise known as the Gay Pride Parade, including Toronto and New York City.

Many people are rightfully concerned about the redefinition of marriage and its negative consequences on society but the issue is still removed from their personal lives. For others, gay “marriage” hits very close to home as gay family members get “married” and look for the support and acceptance of their relatives.

But what if you’re against same-sex “marriage”? What if your Catholic Christian beliefs cause division in your family? What if you choose your religion over family harmony?

Six years ago, two of my extended family members – my side of the family, not my husband’s side – decided it was time that the rest of us officially accept their same-sex partners as part of the extended family. Everyone agreed. Everyone except me. I calmly and charitably explained that although I loved my extended family members, I would not recognize their same-sex unions because of my Catholic beliefs. The fallout from my statement was upsetting as some of my relatives were furious at my uncompromising stance. They felt I should set aside my beliefs for the sake of keeping the peace. The hardest part was realizing that I didn’t have any allies among my extended relatives and it caused a rift which still exists today.

Those of us who have chosen our religious convictions over family harmony have been accused of being homophobic, fanatic, out-of-touch, narrow-minded, hateful. For some people one or more of those words may apply, but for others, our decision to follow Christ instead of giving in to family pressure is rooted in charity – love of God first and love of neighbor, including family members who are in same-sex marriage and those who support them.-
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