Sliding into marriage by default...

5 (Secular) Reasons Not to Live Together Before Marriage

by Jennifer Fulwiler

One interesting aspect of undergoing a dramatic conversion as an adult is that it's given me the opportunity to be deeply immersed in two rather different cultures. Up until my mid-20s, I was very much a part of post-Christian secular culture. Then my husband and I changed our religious beliefs, and though we're still in touch with many of our old friends, we've increasingly found ourselves in social circles where most people are religious.

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In secular circles, it was commonplace for couples to move in together as soon as their relationships got serious, often not getting married until years later. There wasn't even a stigma about it. Living together (the thinking went) had the advantage of saving money on rent, and gave couples a much-needed opportunity to see if they could happily live under the same roof before making a bigger commitment. In fact, for many people, it was out of respect for the institution of marriage that they chose to cohabitate.

"I never want to get divorced," one friend told me as she moved her belongings into her boyfriend's apartment, "so it's important to me to make sure we can really work together before going through with a wedding."

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Ever since then, I have strongly recommended to friends who are still in the dating scene that they reject cohabitation, regardless of their religious beliefs. 

Here are a few reasons why:

1. It makes it too easy to drift into marriage

2. It makes the proposal anti-climactic

3. It renders most wedding traditions meaningless

4. It sends the message that marriage isn't important to you

5. It limits your options

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